I have never been able to thank all the people who helped me through this.

I felt I never could…..

I now understand “They” knew and understood my silence, my pain and why I had to withdraw if for a while from the world.

I am stronger now….

Thank you for always being there; waiting….  This is my way of showing signs of LIFE!

Thank “You” my co-workers who financially contributed to James’s funeral, bosses that made sure I had a job to go to so I would not go crazy, family and friends who listen to me through my anger, pain and tears.

I hope I have not missed anyone, but if I have, know you are in my heart.

I was then as I am now devastated by your passing, the only way to save myself from following you to the grave was to put all these cards and memories in a box till I was ready to try and work my way through the pain.

I know now I have spent the last seven years of my life barely existing.  My heart and soul have not been able to differentiate between the good times or bad.  All this time lying to myself.  I traveled all over the world to get away but, that did not work.  I now understand why it was all a blur.  I look at the pictures of Spain, Germany, it really does not matter where cause my soul and heart were not there. They were with you in your urn.

I am now ready to make a move in a new direction.

My first stop is to go through these memories I have guarded/kept all this time.  Along with that, I have created this site in your honor, something I have said I would do from day one.  

By putting this site online, I am that much closer to you, but no longer with you in your urn. 

I always worried you were alone, but going through these cards and letters, I now know you were truly loved and cared for by so many……   Knowing you, how foolish of me to think I could be the only one you could tough so deeply.

My only regret is not being there for all our friends.  I can only hope this site expresses my regret and lets them know I am ready to listen and /or talk.  Our friends can fill me in on their memories of you and catch me up on things in their life.



Below are the captions written by your friends and displayed proudly at your service.   I thank you all from my heart for your sentiments and feelings.  I hope you remember “James” today as when you wrote your note.

James Hamilton Disbrow2015 Carina Miranda